In the previous post, Shylock explored, in a ironical, cynical, self-criticizing way, what personal future we, aid workers have. We wonder the earth, gradually getting used to travel all the time, often in harsh places, and very often in search of a thrill. Gradually we get addicted to it all.
But is there life after this.. after this life of a gypsy? Do we become gypsy disasters after years of behaving like a disaster gypsy, roaming from one emergency to the next?
No matter how much we chuckle reading the previous post, in the end, it is not funny. Far from it. Many humanitarian workers have a problem to find ‘a life after this’.. But it is even more sad to realize how few actually “have a life even now”… Even now, many forget, or at least compromise, their personal life because of their addiction. The addiction to the horizon, to the adrenaline.
And now I want to you stop for a moment, no matter what you are doing. What I am going to tell you, is very close to my heart…
No matter how you twist and turn it. The professional world is still a man’s world. This world in general is still a man’s world. It has been for hundreds of centuries. From the time men dragged women into their cages by their hair, we have come a long way, but we are not there yet. “There” being “offering equal chances, and equal opportunities to women”.
Here is how I see it. (and don’t forget I am a man, and no matter how hard I try, I will always be a man, even if I try to look at things from a woman’s perspective):
I look around me, and see people -men and women- alike, with loads of personal challenges through the work they do… But then I look again, and see that in most management functions in this business – the humanitarian world -, men hold the key functions (and most of them come from the first world, but let’s leave that aside for a moment). I look once more, and see most administrative support positions are filled by women. Many women in this business are strong, well educated, hard working people. Many of them are young, full of energy, inspiration and aspirations. The new generation of women have been encouraged (and enabled) by their parents to get a good education. They are ambitious to develop themselves personally and professionally. Many of these young women whizz through their twenties like a breeze, and some climb up (if all goes well), the professional ladder.
All of a sudden they find themselves in their mid thirties, somewhere in the professional chain and ask “hey where is my personal life gone to?”. And that is where the challenges start.
If all goes well, they find a partner. If all goes well. As we – men – are not always too happy to live with a partner who has a demanding career. Even fewer like it when that career takes ‘our woman’ away on duty travel. Heaven forbids that ‘her career’ would even have her live far away from us, in some dark and remote humanitarian crisis area.
“If all goes well” they find a partner, as too often at their mid thirties, what men are “available” on the “partner market”? Those coming out of their first long relationship, and not looking for something long term. The ‘celibataires eternelles’ or ‘commito-fobes’. Those who have not made up their mind what the hell they want. The ‘players’. And those already in a relationship. Or those who have failed in relationships so far.. (and all of that is a whole different discussion which I would love to have over a glass of Prosecco).
So “if all goes well”, a partner is found. And then? “A career” you say? In this world where, no matter what, a woman is still supposed to not only bare the children, but also spend most of her time raising them? Where a woman is still supposed to do most of the household stuff? [if you are a man, think about it... If you don't agree with me, think again... Who spends most of the time with the kids, working for/in the house? You or your partner?].
So, what then? Most women are the ones making the compromise then.. Either give up their career, or work part time, etc…
If they don’t, the juggle of kids, house, husband and career becomes a full time challenge.
The other evening, I went with E. over all the women we knew. And we tried to flag those we thought had found a good balance between kids, house, husband and career. And are successful in all. We found one. One woman out of the dozens of women we know, we found one.
That is a sad observation. And even more sad, when we realized that lady does not work in the humanitarian “business”.
So, all you ladies out there. And specifically those of you in the humanitarian world! In my “The Dudettes” short story I tried (in my cynical and ironical way) pay a tribute to you all. But come and have your say too. Am I seeing things in a too dark, negative way? Am I seeing things too much from a “male” perspective? You tell me. So com’on all you strong women out there, have your say! Click on ‘comments’ below this post to see the other comments, and to chip in with your thoughts…
